Bad News

Today, John Madden declared his intentions to retire from the world of sportscasting. The long-time commentator and football juggernaut will be sorely missed. How will we know what's happening on that confusing mess of a football field without Madden as the torch to guide us along. Who will draw the most insane diagrams on the screen? It's always like looking at clouds when you were a kid and imagining shapes of dragons and unicorns, that's what Madden's artistry meant to me. I don't have the minute to post a picture of the man of the hour, but do google him for a good time.  

My prediction in light of these events: Football, as a sport, fails without its most famous icon and titan of the game. The NFL becomes obsolete, opening the door for arena football and its future superstar owner, Bon Jovi. However, that won't last very long as Bon Jovi will try to use the arena football's popularity to revive a rock and roll career. This will not go over well. In the end, wrestlers and UFC fighters develop an XFL-like league in which many fine athletes lose their lives. That's the bleak football future we can look forward to now that John Madden is retired.